“How dare you enter without permission! Speak, what do you want?!” She asked.
“I wish to serve you, my Queen,” he answered.
“Prove it!” She demanded.
Well, if stories were written like this it wouldn’t be much fun, now would it?
There are three parts to people having a dialogue.
1 – The spoken words.
2 – Their body language.
3 – Whatever other information that the writer wishes to give. Background, feelings etc.
All three are important if you want the story inside your head to be the one the reader sees as well.
Remember the readers will fill in the blanks if you don’t. It is something you should make use of, but only when it makes sense. Yet at the same time, saying too much can be equally damaging.
What I’m trying to say is some words are best left unspoken. Sometimes, to really show a character’s feelings it’s better to use less of (1) and more (2).
I decided that this is one of the subjects where it’s important to show and tell, and that’s what I’ll do.
For that I will use the conversation with the Queen above. I want to make a point, so try and catch it.
Example A)
“How dare you enter without permission! Speak, what do you want?!” She asked, as she stood up from her throne. The Dark Knight walked closer, only the sound of his armor leaving him. The royal guards tried to stop him, but one by one they fell to the floor, and he hadn’t even pulled out his sword. The Queen felt her heartbeat run wild, but she didn’t weaver. She was above all! Above fear! Wasn’t she? Yet her hands were shaking.
As the last guard fell the Dark Knight stood still in the middle of the room, before he turned towards her. “I wish to serve you,” he said, as he knelt before her. “My Queen.”
“Prove it!” She demanded with an icy voice, before looking towards her guards. They all seemed to be breathing. The Dark Knight pulled out his sword, and held it safely towards her.
Example B)
“How dare you enter without permission!” She smacked the Dark Knight across his face with a whip, before stepping on his back. The Dark Knight began whimpering, and she felt him shaking underneath her high heels. She made sure that the pressure remained painful, as she bent herself a little closer. She let the whip run across his crying face “Speak, what do you want?!” She asked, before she hit him again.
“I wish to s- s-serve you, my Queen” He answered, amidst the cries.
She looked at his pathetic face a little more, before she removed her heel from his back. Slowly she walked around his body while playing with the whip. The sound of her heels made him flinch. It made her feel powerful. Finally she stopped. She hit her heels together and a blade took the heel’s place on her right shoe. With one quick motion she stabbed it into the Dark Knight’s hand. “Prove it!” She demanded, as he screamed. While sobbing he slowly placed his lips on her shoe, and she licked her lips.
So did you catch it?
Yes, even though they say the same words it should be pretty clear that these stories are far apart. The change comes from (2) and (3), because they don’t just give us a context, but they also tell us who is above who. They tell us what the characters are really like, and how their relationship is.
When you look at people speaking to others you will come to realize just how much people move when they talk. Even people using little hand gestures. Because it’s in all the little things, eyes, mouth, feet, shoulders and with time you will maybe notice that some people combine certain words with certain movements. It doesn’t have to be to as extreme as the examples above.
I will warn you however, it’s hard to stop noticing if you begin.
It’s also important to remember that some people are in better control of how they appear than others, and some may even be able to show the opposite of what they themselves feel, but for the most part people will show what their words do not necessarily tell.
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